I’m proposing a total overhaul to the control panel and warning system for B@B-y version 1.0. The single siren warning system simply isn’t meeting the needs of the user community. I suggest we consider the following enhancements to be introduced in B@B-y version 2.0:
- Install a fuel gauge, with an indicator light that warns you when you’re approaching “empty” so you can avoid triggering the hunger alarm system
- Install a second gauge, this time for sleep, to help users distinguish between fussing that means “please just put me in my crib already” versus fussing that means “if you put me in my crib right now I’m going to wail like a banshee and you will be sorry woman!!”
- A tri-level warning light system to indicate general mood. Green is the ideal state. When the mood indicator is green it means it is safe to do things like set B@B-y down so you can unload the dishwasher or pour yourself a glass of wine. Yellow is a warning that the mood is presently susceptible to change so you should proceed with caution. In this case, you might consider balancing the baby on your hip while pouring yourself that glass of wine because while he may seem okay if you set him down on the ground you might trigger a red light. If you’ve spent any time with a B@B-y version 1.0 then you already know what the red light mood indicator means. In fact, if cost factors don’t permit a tri-level light system it would make sense to cut the red-light indicator from the spec; when B@B-y reaches mood level red the siren system kicks in.
- A set of health and comfort monitoring screens providing real-time information on baby’s physical well being. Never again should you be thinking “I wonder if he’s uncomfortable in the car seat and that’s why he’s crying?” Nor the commonly asked, “do you think he doesn’t feel good.” And of course, the most coveted of features, a screen that clearly displays current body temperature, thus eliminating the fear that someday a well meaning medical professional will tell you over the phone to find out what your baby’s rectal temperature is.
- A reset button. Let’s face it, sometimes B@B-y is broken and no amount of cuddling, bribing, feeding, pleading, praying, or plain old despairing is going to fix it. In version 1.0 all you can do is wait until the problem resolves itself. I think we can all agree that it would be a significant upgrade if there was a way to manually reboot
Feel free to add your own enhancement suggestions in the comments section below.